Fic: Forgiven, Not Forgotten

[starsandsea]

Title: Forgiven, Not Forgotten
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Bruce/Clark, Alan Scott
Word Count: 2617
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: For bradygirl_12's Valentine's Challenge. Betaed by the wonderful arch_schatten!



Bruce walked alone though the dark streets of Gotham. Light snow was falling, starting to settle on the ground. Bruce walked on, unseeing, head down and eyes on the ground, hearing the sounds of the city all around him. His beloved Gotham. The only one he should have loved. But he got greedy, and wanted more. Wanted Clark. And now he had lost him.

'I'm sorry, Bruce. I do love you. I really do. It's just... I thought I was ready for a relationship. But I'm not. I need to concentrate on my work, and I can't give you the attention you deserve. I'm sorry. But we can still be friends, right?'

Cliches, all of them. Bruce laughed shortly at the irony of Clark being the one to pull the work card, and not him, like everyone would have thought. Bruce carried on walking, feeling his bones and old wounds aching, all of him aching. He should have known better. He did. But he thought that with Clark it would have been different. It was Clark after all. But Bruce had a habit of being wrong about these kinds of things, of putting himself whole-heartedly into everything, didn't he? He was an idiot who should know better. Better than to think - to hope - that this time, it would be different.

Bruce kept on walking, not feeling the coldness anymore, knowing that it had already settled in around his heart again. He wondered if Clark had ever loved him. Ever loved him at all. Maybe he had just been using him for sex; friends with benefits. Maybe he had just been using him for practice for someone else, someone he really loved. Bruce laughed again at the thought.

Bruce continued walking through the snow filling streets, through the crowds of people, not noticing anything, until a voice spoke his name. Bruce stopped - you could do nothing else when confronted with that voice - and finally looked up from the ground. The voice was surprised, but with worry quickly taking its place. Bruce tried to smile.

"Hello Alan," he whispered, his voice coming out cracked and hoarse, his breath misting in the cold air. Dragon's breath, Dick had called it when he was a child - still called it that in his head, Bruce knew.

"Bruce," Alan said his name again, worry staining his voice, painting it more vivid colors. "You're frozen to death." Alan took off his thick woolen coat, and placed it on his shoulders, then did the same with his scarf as Bruce made protesting noises. "It's below freezing, Bruce. What on earth are you doing not wearing a coat or gloves?"

Bruce opened his mouth to say... something, but Alan didn't give him a chance to respond. "Come on. Come with me. We need to get you warmed up." Alan placed a warm hand on his back, and turned him around, gently steering him... somewhere. Bruce let him do what he wanted; it would be useless to argue with Alan, even if he would have resented his presence if he was anyone else, even if it had been Dick who had stumbled across him wondering around the streets in the dark, in the snow without even a coat, looking obviously distracted. It was a pretty sure way to get yourself killed in Gotham.

But Alan said none of those things, just guided him to a small coffee shop, ordered hot chocolate for the both of them, then sat them down at a table next to the heater. Bruce clasped his hands together to stop them from trembling, and gazed at the hammered copper surface of the tiny round table they were sat at with fascination. A waitress came over and placed their mugs of chocolate in front of them. Bruce wrapped his hands around his, feeling the heat almost burning his cold hands. He wiggled his toes in his shoes, trying to get them to feel again. Although, maybe he shouldn't bother. Maybe being numb was how he was supposed to be. You could only go through so much in life before you stopped feeling, became completely unemotional in order to just survive...

Bruce watched the steam curling up, saw Alan take a sip of his drink, then quickly put it back down on the table, hand tightening on the handle for a moment. Bruce felt some relief that even Alan Scott could burn his tongue on a hot drink. Alan was looking at him, not saying a word. Bruce kept staring at the steam, feeling himself slowly warming up, thawing out. His toes were getting warm, pain dancing with him again. It was strange how thawing toes were more painful than some of the wounds he received at night.

He could feel warmth directly over his feet, and knew that if he looked, there would be a green shimmering glow under the table. Bruce took a sip of his chocolate, feeling it burning all the way down. He set the mug down carefully on the table.

"Clark broke up with me." He said the words quietly, and immediately felt ridiculous. Here he was, pining over Superman while he should be out on Gotham's streets, answering her call, not wasting Alan's time.

"I'm very sorry to hear that," Alan said softly. Bruce had never directly told him that he and Clark were... had been together, but Alan had certainly suspected, Bruce knew.

"Did he say why?" Alan took another sip of his drink.

"Not really, no." Alan reached out and squeezed one of his hands. Bruce suddenly felt tears prickling his eyes, felt emotion rising up inside him, despair, self-hatred, depression, but above all of them, amazement that Alan cared about him. Alan cared for everyone, of course, and allowed Bruce the delusion that he was somehow special, somehow more worthy than others of Alan's attention... well, Alan liked to indulge him. Or he was just being extremely polite.

"Do you want me to call Alfred? Have him pick you up? I'll keep an eye on Gotham tonight."

There was the politeness again. Bruce took another sip of his chocolate. "No, it’s alright. On both accounts."

"Are you sure?" Alan was frowning. "The last thing you need is to get frozen again..."

Bruce smiled, trying to reassure, even if Alan was only being polite. At least he seemed to care. "It's fine, Alan. I'll call you if I need any help."

There was worry in Alan's eyes, and Bruce tried to smile again, but the worry didn't fade. He realized that he was perilously close to going into vapid playboy mode, and felt a stab of alarm. Alan deserved better than that.

"Let me call Alfred, at least."

Bruce nodded, it would probably be best if Alan did. Left on his own, he would probably try and walk home. But Alan phoning Alfred would no doubt cause Alfred to worry. Bruce sighed softly. It was so difficult, working everything out so no one felt they needed to worry over him. Someone always seemed to end up doing so, anyway, for all his elaborate plans. Bruce watched in silence as Alan phoned Alfred, telling him where they were, reassuring him that Bruce was alright, just in need of a ride home. Alan thanked Alfred, then hung up, while Bruce took a longer drink of his chocolate.

"Alfred's on his way. He said that Dick was coming along too." Bruce nodded, expecting nothing less. Dick would pry the truth out of him on the way home, and then force him not to go out tonight. Maybe he should take Alan up on his second offer... but he had already bothered him enough tonight.

"Thank you." Alan smiled at him, and they drank their chocolate in silence until Alfred and Dick arrived.

*****

That was almost a year ago, now. Bruce had gone back home and not gone out, while his family rallied around him, making sure that he was alright, that he wasn't going to go out and do anything stupid. He had had time to accept that his relationship with Clark was over, and the next time they had had to work together, Bruce had been fine. It was Clark who didn't seem to be dealing with it. But then he had started dating, while Bruce had just smiled wryly, knowing that he had been right; he had just been practice for Clark.

Then, Clark started to avoid him, which was fine with Bruce. He didn't need to see Clark, knowing that he used to be his, but now, because of something he had done, or maybe not done, he had lost him. Lost him forever.

Meanwhile, he didn't date anyone. Oh, Brucie Wayne was seen with a different woman every night, but he didn't like any of them, let alone love them. There was only one person he could ever love, and Clark didn't want him, did he? No, he kept himself for Gotham now, the only one who would never leave him. And if he dreamt of stunning blue eyes at night, with soft, dark, hair curling around them, well, it was something he was sharing with thousands of others.

He was only one of the masses who dreamt of Superman falling in love with them.

*****

It was Valentine's Day. Brucie was at a party, with... he sighed to himself. He really should at least try to remember his dates names. He owed them that much, at least, for unknowingly helping him keep his cover. His date tonight was wearing a deep red dress that was actually quite tasteful, her dark hair swept up, one or two loose locks framing her face. He was fairly sure she was named after a city - Madrid? - no, that wasn't it. He almost felt sorry for her, named after a city like that. Couldn't her parents at least have given her a proper name?

Bruce found himself drifting away from the party, to a balcony, and looked out at Gotham, her lights twinkling, her shadows ever growing. What was it Clark had called it? Ah yes, the never ending battle. One that he certainly wouldn't live to see the end of. He just hoped that maybe his children would. Bruce sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment. He gasped as he felt himself suddenly being picked up, held in strong arms, his eyes flying open to see a blur of colors: black and red and blue and yellow and moonbeams dancing rings around them all. Bruce closed his eyes, feeling slightly sick. He opened them again, slowly, when he felt himself being placed gently on his feet, felt the arms leaving him.

He opened his eyes to find himself in his own bedroom, but... not. While he had been gone, someone had placed red roses on every available surface, replaced his black bedsheets with dark red ones, with rose petals covering them.

Superman was standing before him.

Bruce looked away. "I think you grabbed the wrong person, Clark."

"No. I defiantly got the right one."

"Clark," Bruce growled, not up to playing whatever game it was Clark wanted to, not when it was so close to what happened this time last year, not with the memories of what they had done this night last year...

"Bruce..." Clark's voice was earnest, his eyes intense on him. Against his will, Bruce found himself staring at him, unable to look away.

"I made a mistake, Bruce. A terrible mistake that I've been regretting every moment since." Clark moved forward, until they were standing close. Closer than they had since... "I know that 'I'm sorry' won't be enough to excuse what I did. What I said. But I am sorry, Bruce. I'm so sorry."

Bruce forced himself to turn away, to walk to the balcony. He heard Clark following him.

"Bruce. I can't live like this anymore, without you in my life. I thought I could, but I can't, I need you too much..."

Bruce was silent, staring up at the stars and moon. "I love you, Bruce."

Bruce closed his eyes. "You said that before. You didn't mean it then, how do you expect me to believe it now?"

He heard Clark's sharp intake of breath. "Don't say that. Don't say that I never meant it."

Bruce turned to look at him. "You broke up with me, saying that you weren't ready for a relationship, but less than two weeks later, you were dating someone. You're lying about something, your claim of love is just the most obvious."

"Bruce..." Clark voice was choked. Bruce forced himself to turn away again. "I was scared! I was terrified by how much I needed you, loved you. I was scared you would push me away, leave me... I panicked. I know it's no excuse, but it's the truth. And then when I realized how empty my life was without you... I tried to find someone who could replace you. Someone that I could use as proof that I could live without you... but I couldn't, I was an idiot to ever think I could. When I saw you moving on... I had to distance myself from you, to stop from begging you to take me back. When Dick told me how much I hurt you... Rao, I'm so sorry, Bruce. So sorry..."

Bruce closed his eyes, trying not to let his emotions show. He heard Clark sobbing. He was making Clark cry. He blinked away his own tears. "Clark." His voice was thick with emotion. He swallowed, and steeled himself to continue. "What were you planning for tonight?"

"I'm begging you, Bruce. I'm begging you to take me back. Please. I love you, and I'm so sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. I love you."

Bruce looked down. His emotions were swirling inside him, overtaking his thoughts. He could only feel. Feel the pain that Clark had caused him, the doubt and ever present depression, the fear and hope he didn't want to admit to, but above all of it, the love he felt for Clark. He looked up at him, knowing that his life would never be complete without him in it.

"Clark..." Bruce paused. "I can't just... take you back. Not just flip a switch and forget everything. But... I can forgive."

Clark's eyes lit up with hope; tears still glimmered on his face in the moonlight. He took a step towards him. "Then...?"

Bruce shook his head slowly. "It's going to take time, Clark. Time to forgive. But..." He swallowed, then smiled weakly. "There's no time like the present. And it is Valentine's Day."

Clark engulfed him in a hug, and Bruce sighed against him, feeling happier than he had in... a year. He smiled.

"Thank you. Thank you, Bruce. I swear I'll make it up to you. I swear. I love you."

Bruce pulled away from the hug. "Would you like to come inside?" He offered with an ironic smile.

"Yes, please." Clark's eyes were sparkling. Bruce walked inside his bedroom, Clark following.

It seemed he was going to have a good Valentine's Day after all.

Comments

[icarus-chained.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was evil. A reversal, like you said, of what everyone would expect, but one that makes a lot of sense, in a way. You can understand that Clark, too, expects Bruce to be the one to go, and decides to act preemptively to protect himself. But, damnit, that's no excuse for making Bruce go out and freeze himself to death in the Gotham snow! For that alone, he should be hit repeatedly over the head with a Kryptonite hammer! I'm glad Bruce decides to give him another chance, but I'm not sure *I* would have.

And I'm rapidly coming to realise that I need to start reading JSA, because I keep seeing people like Alan in fics like this, and loving them, and being frustrated by having little real ideas of who they are.

Thank you for a very bittersweet Valentine's fic!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

You can understand that Clark, too, expects Bruce to be the one to go, and decides to act preemptively to protect himself. But, damnit, that's no excuse for making Bruce go out and freeze himself to death in the Gotham snow! For that alone, he should be hit repeatedly over the head with a Kryptonite hammer! I'm glad Bruce decides to give him another chance, but I'm not sure *I* would have.

I'm glad that Clark's actions came across as, in a way, being valid. *pets him gently* My Clark!Muse kept insisting that this wasn't him, lol. *huggles Bruce* But you're totally right, that no excuse for making Bruce go out and almost freeze to death!! *glares at Clark* I was a little surprised at Bruce being able to give Clark a second chance - like you say, I don't know if I would have - but I wanted the story to end on a hopeful note. And, well, the original bunny had Clark cheating on Bruce, which my Clark!Muse just refused flat out, so I guess maybe Bruce was thinking that things weren't quite as bad as they could have been. *hugs him again*

And I'm rapidly coming to realise that I need to start reading JSA, because I keep seeing people like Alan in fics like this, and loving them, and being frustrated by having little real ideas of who they are.

Ahem, well, may I point you to jsa_allstars? *grins* Seriously, if you have a question about any of the JSA, I'm more than willing to (try!) to answer it! :)

Thank you for such a wonderful comment! I'm really glad you liked this. :)

[bradygirl_12]

Very good twist here, Star! I can understand Clark on the pre-emptive strike so I won't be too angry with him, but Bruce was so hurt! Still, who's to say he wouldn't have pushed Clark away eventually?

You have the emotions down really well: Bruce's depression and Clark's desperation, and Alan being wonderful, and of course Alfred and Dick as well.

Good job! :)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

I can understand Clark on the pre-emptive strike so I won't be too angry with him, but Bruce was so hurt!

I'm glad Clark's actions came across as (sort of!) valid. :) *huggles poor Bruce*

You have the emotions down really well: Bruce's depression and Clark's desperation, and Alan being wonderful, and of course Alfred and Dick as well.

Yay! *dances* That pleases me no end. :)

I'm glad you liked this, Brady! :D

[bradygirl_12]

I'm glad Clark's actions came across as (sort of!) valid. :) *huggles poor Bruce*

I think of all the times that Bruce has ripped Clark's heart out in fics! So maybe it's time he should realize that it *hurts*, damnit!

[ilyena_sylph]

....GRRR, Clark!!!!

*glares at him for hurting Bruce*

*cheers Alan for taking care of Bruce, and for being so understanding, and for just being himself

*loves Alfred and Dick, as always*

*...considers forgiving Clark*

*decides against*

*watches Bruce, watches Clark be honest, and decides that if Bruce can forgive him, she might as well, too*

Excellently, excellently done in a beautiful twist on the expected scenario.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*cheers Alan for taking care of Bruce, and for being so understanding, and for just being himself

Alan was wonderful to Bruce here! *glomps him* I'm really glad you liked him! :D

*...considers forgiving Clark*

*decides against*

LOL!

*watches Bruce, watches Clark be honest, and decides that if Bruce can forgive him, she might as well, too*

I glad Clark had your forgiveness in the end! :p

Excellently, excellently done in a beautiful twist on the expected scenario.

Aww, thank you! :D I'm really pleased you liked it!

[stalinglim.livejournal.com]

I rather LIKE the reversal; especially when it is so nicely in character as this one is.

Two thumbs up!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*grins* I thought that Bruce is so often the one that ends things, breaks Clark's heart, that Clark deserved a go! :p

Yay! I'm really glad you liked it! :D

[stalinglim.livejournal.com]

I REALLY don't see Bruce ending things with someone he REALLY cares about... I KNOW canon is against me on this one (selina! smack him!) but still....

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

I didn't see him ending things in this story, definitely. Sure, he'd push Clark away, but he wouldn't break up with him. That's why it hurt him so much. *huggles him* But, yeah, that's how I see Bruce most of the time - he'll push people away, but he won't break up with them. They mean too much to him for him to be able to do that. :)

[greeneyelove.livejournal.com]

I wanted to smack Clark, but he made it right in the end. Very wonderful. I like the switch, Clark pushing Bruce away rather than the other way around.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Clark had to make things right! Otherwise he would have several angry fangirls after him, I suspect. ;)

I'm really glad you liked this! :D

[taro-twist.livejournal.com]

Oh, Star, what a wonderful fic! I love the twist you put on this, with Clark being the one to reject Bruce in favor of his career. Oh, and Alan! Alan was terrific in this fic. I love how he took in Bruce. And I think this was my favorite line, actually:

Bruce clasped his hands together to stop them from trembling, and gazed at the hammered copper surface of the tiny round table they were sat at with fascination.

What a beautiful description. And I'm so glad Clark realized his mistake at the end! Although how terrible for Bruce to be put through such despair beforehand *weeps*

What a great Valentine's Day fic!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Oh, and Alan! Alan was terrific in this fic. I love how he took in Bruce.

Alan is awesome. *glomps him* :P

I'm really glad you liked the description of the table! :)

I'm so glad Clark realized his mistake at the end! Although how terrible for Bruce to be put through such despair beforehand *weeps*

*huggles Bruce a lot* The poor baby!! *glares at Clark a little* Clark had really not been dealing with their break up at all. But it still took him a year to come to his senses! *whacks him a bit* *huggles Bruce again*

I'm really glad you liked this, Christine! :D

[senmut]

I adore it. Absolutely heart wrenching at spots, and so warmly handled.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *huggles Bruce a lot*

I'm really glad you liked it! :D

[jij.livejournal.com]

Poor Bruce! I'm glad Clark's willing to make it up to him, but it'll take some time before Bruce can let him back in. *shakes fist at Clark threateningly* No one plays around with Bruce's heart!

It was strange how thawing toes were more painful than some of the wounds he received at night.

I love the little details in all of this--the copper-topped tables, Alan warming Bruce's feet, observations like the one above. They keep everything grounded within all the sadness.

He was fairly sure she was named after a city - Madrid? - no, that wasn't it. He almost felt sorry for her, named after a city like that. Couldn't her parents at least have given her a proper name?

*can't help giggling*

I'm glad Bruce could forgive him, but no one could ever be asked to forget being dumped...*hugs Bruce*

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Poor Bruce! I'm glad Clark's willing to make it up to him, but it'll take some time before Bruce can let him back in. *shakes fist at Clark threateningly* No one plays around with Bruce's heart!

Oh, it will. *huggles Bruce* But don't worry - the entire BatClan threatened Clark with dire consequences if he did anything stupid again! Not to mention what Alfred will do... ;)

I love the little details in all of this--the copper-topped tables, Alan warming Bruce's feet, observations like the one above. They keep everything grounded within all the sadness.

Yay! I really enjoyed including those little touches, so I'm tickled that you like them! :D

He was fairly sure she was named after a city - Madrid? - no, that wasn't it. He almost felt sorry for her, named after a city like that. Couldn't her parents at least have given her a proper name?

*can't help giggling*

*giggles with you* *pets Bruce* ;)

I'm glad Bruce could forgive him, but no one could ever be asked to forget being dumped...*hugs Bruce*

Clark's going to be regretting it for the rest of his life. *pets him gently* *goes back to hugging Bruce*

I'm really glad you liked this, Jen! *glomps* I owe you mail, I know, but I've been very distracted by fic. :( Bad Star! Bad! I promise I will at the very least get started on a reply on the weekend! *glomps again*

[jij.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad you liked this, Jen! *glomps* I owe you mail, I know, but I've been very distracted by fic. :( Bad Star! Bad! I promise I will at the very least get started on a reply on the weekend! *glomps again*

Distracted by fic!? The nerve! *grins happily* It's the best thing to be distracted by!

[saavikam77.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Ouch ouch OUCH!! *winces*

Oh, Bruce!! I just want to hug him so tight, and suddenly I feel this indescribably need to apologize to him myself... profusely. With tears. Gods.

This was just so painful.

Bravo!!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*huggles Bruce a lot* The poor baby! I was very mean to him in this one. *pets him*

I'm glad you liked it, though it hurt. :)

[arch-schatten.livejournal.com]

Yay! Posted! You know I really liked this story, Star! I'm really glad to see the boys worked it out, even if it was so very hard on Bruce. I really can't see him balking on a relationship once he commits, but I might be projecting a bit :P It hurt him so badly to see Clark leave him and move one! poor dear! *hugs him* But I think you were really good with Clark too, it was a believable fear and he didn't purposely act like a jackass to hurt Bruce. He still did, but he didn't mean to... and that somehow lessens the blow.

I bet there will be lots of glared from the batfamily and Alfred when Bruce isn't looking, though!

Alan! Alan here was love!

He was only one of the masses who dreamed of Superman falling in love with them.

*wibbles* Aughhh! Bruceee! This is sooo painful, and so good. Thank you so much for this story, Star. I like seeing the boys working through their problems, and I loved how you handled the pain here. It didn't consume Bruce entirely, but it certaily dragged him down... *pets him* Yeah. Definitely glad they worked it out!

Thanks for sharing dear!! *hug*

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

I really can't see him balking on a relationship once he commits, but I might be projecting a bit :P

Nah, I agree with you - it'll take him a long time to erm... agree to be in a relationship, but once he does, it's going to last for a very long time. A very very long time.

But I think you were really good with Clark too, it was a believable fear and he didn't purposely act like a jackass to hurt Bruce. He still did, but he didn't mean to... and that somehow lessens the blow.

Ah, good. I was worried that Clark's fears wouldn't be convincing ones, so I'm really glad it comes across that way! :)

I bet there will be lots of glared from the batfamily and Alfred when Bruce isn't looking, though!

Don't forget the threats! ;)

Alan! Alan here was love!

*squees* Alan!!!!

This is sooo painful, and so good. Thank you so much for this story, Star. I like seeing the boys working through their problems, and I loved how you handled the pain here. It didn't consume Bruce entirely, but it certaily dragged him down... *pets him* Yeah. Definitely glad they worked it out!

I'm very glad they worked out too! *pets them*

*glomps* I'm really glad you liked this, Mina! :D Thank you for your lovely comment, and betaing in the first place!

[yanyann.livejournal.com]

My music player started playing Nickelback - Far Away , as I was reading this fic. Kinda fits. XD

Nice little story. *feels sorry for Bruce, gives him a hug*
Will we be seeing a continuation?

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*huggles Bruce* I was really mean to him here!

I honestly haven't thought about continuing this story! But I might... Have to see. :)

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked it! :D

Congratulations on completing the challenge....

[ctbn60.livejournal.com]

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Re: Congratulations on completing the challenge....

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Whee, thank you! :D

Re: Congratulations on completing the challenge....

[ctbn60.livejournal.com]

You are very welcome. :)