Fic: Batman's Files and Bruce's Diary (3/?)

[starsandsea]

Title: Batman's Files and Bruce's Diary (3/?)
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Bruce/Clark, BatClan. Hints of Tim/Kon
Word Count: 639
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Previous parts, with notes, can be found Here. Unbetaed, so point and I shall correct. Happy birthday to the Bat!




Tuesday 19th February 2008

Number of Crimes Stopped: 0

Number of Murders (witnessed): 0

Number of Escapes from Arkham: 0

Review of Night: N/A

Notes: Need to work on my avoidance skills.

Notes on Team: Was the victim of a very well thought out ambush first thing this morning, while avoiding the Sun. Was then kidnapped by Superman, and forced to take the night off.

Bruce's Notes: It was my birthday today. Everyone was here, and we had a nice quiet celebration. Alfred made a delicious chocolate cake as usual, Dick made sure there was chocolate sauce a plenty. Dick is going to be beaten very severely on the practice mats tomorrow. Clark and Kon where here too, Tim and Kon thankfully seem to have made up. And took the chocolate sauce with them. Which I am not thinking about. Dick and Cass are going on patrol tonight. They banned me from leaving the house today. And Clark's making sure that I follow their orders. Or maybe they were his.

They all worry about me a great deal. I wish they wouldn't. They know I do everything I can to be safe, to keep them safe... but... They worry just as much about my emotional well-being, and who's to blame them? It's pretty clear I have Multiple Personality Disorder - anyone who looks at these entries can see that. And of course, there's the depression, along with a host of other things. Sometimes... sometimes, it just seems too hard to go on. To carry on. I know there are so many people relying on me, and I have to carry on for them... and for myself.

I know, deep down, that I would have gone insane a long time ago if I hadn't become Batman. Though there are those who think I am insane. Maybe I am a little - surely it takes someone who isn't completely right in the head to have done what I have. Gone out dressed like a giant bat, then brought children into my crusade... No one would say that that is sane.

The depression is worse today. I blame birthday blues. Nothing can depress you like getting another year older. Another year full of regrets and pain. Another year less. Another year gone in the finite amount of time I'll be able to continue this, continue to be Batman. Frankly I'm amazed I've lived this long. I never would have thought I would. Even before this all started, when I was training, I thought I would be dead by now, that the odds of being 'only human' and going up against all the threats I do every night would have caught up with me by now. But they haven't. Oh, I've had some close calls, but they've never been enough. I've always come back. Sometimes I think I don't want to, I would give anything just to rest. I'm so tired. But then I think of Dick and Tim and Alfred and Cass and Clark, and I know what my death would do to them. It would hurt them a... great deal. And I can't do that to them. I... care about them too much.

Clark's calling me, wanting to give me a extra 'present' in my bedroom. I can't help but smile. Clark... without Clark... god. I don't ever want to think about a life without Clark. I've had to experience it once, and that... I wouldn't be able to live if I was the one who had to... No. It won't come to that. Clark's too strong.

But sometimes, I wish he had never given me that kryptonite.

Comments

[saavikam77.livejournal.com]

Oh, Bruce!! *hugs the woobie*

At least he recognizes that he isn't quite all there in the head, but the way he keeps going on about death, when it's his *birthday* for god's sake! O_o *pets him carefully* Thank goodness he has Clark and the rest of his family to take care of him and give him purpose.

These are so good. Bravo!!

[(Anonymous)]

What Saavikam said about Bruce include me (she says it better than I would).

I'm guessing you like chocolate. But - man - you're writing so many hints in the bedroom. Very naughty. If you have limited time can't you write more than just the hints? Pleeeeeeease. ;-)

I don't mind if it takes a week. But will understand it if you really don't have time. However if you can't you're a tease and know how to torture a person. :P

Don't worry I like naughtiness. ;-)

Angeloz

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, I'm sorry, but I really don't have the time! I will be a tease and perfect my torture techniques. ;)

Thank you for commenting! :)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

At least he recognizes that he isn't quite all there in the head, but the way he keeps going on about death, when it's his *birthday* for god's sake! O_o *pets him carefully* Thank goodness he has Clark and the rest of his family to take care of him and give him purpose.

That... could have been me projecting on Bruce too much. I get quite depressed on my birthday, so I thought it reasonable that Bruce would too... *pets him* *hugs Clark and the BatClan*

I'm glad you still like this! :)

[greeneyelove.livejournal.com]

I like his knowing his not so very sane. He needs to admit as much!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*hugs Bruce* He's not quite right in the head, is he?

Thank you for commenting! :D

[bradygirl_12]

Yeah, Bruce has always teetered on the edge. Not surprising that he knows it!

But his family and Clark keep him closer to sane than not.

Thank goodness Bruce can appreciate Clark despite his depression.

Is Clark the Sun Bruce had to avoid? ;)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

But his family and Clark keep him closer to sane than not.

*hugs them all* I don't want to imagine Bruce without the BatClan and Clark's support!

Thank goodness Bruce can appreciate Clark despite his depression.

*glomps Clark for being wonderful and... Clark-like*

Is Clark the Sun Bruce had to avoid? ;)

*giggles* No, I think he was hiding from the actual sun! Dick was evil and made Bruce get up really early!!! So he had to hide from the nasty bright light in the sky. ;)

Thank you for commenting, Brady! :D

[jij.livejournal.com]

As I said to eve_k, I think it makes perfect sense that birthdays would be stressful and unpleasant to Bruce much of the time. They can be quite depressing, what with the social obligations and the expectation of being happy--like Valentine's Day but personalized. :) I do hope the rest of the Batclan can help him out, though! *hugs Bruce*

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

As I said to eve_k, I think it makes perfect sense that birthdays would be stressful and unpleasant to Bruce much of the time. They can be quite depressing, what with the social obligations and the expectation of being happy--like Valentine's Day but personalized. :) I do hope the rest of the Batclan can help him out, though! *hugs Bruce*

*hugs Bruce* Birthdays can be very difficult. Like you say, everyone expects you to be happy! Why should you be happy? *hugs the BatClan and Clark* They are wonderful, and know what Bruce needs. :)

I'm glad you still like this, Jen! Thank you for commenting! :D