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starsandseaTitle: Batman's Files and Bruce's Diary (3/?)
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Bruce/Clark, BatClan. Hints of Tim/Kon
Word Count: 639
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Previous parts, with notes, can be found Here. Unbetaed, so point and I shall correct. Happy birthday to the Bat!
Tuesday 19th February 2008
Number of Crimes Stopped: 0
Number of Murders (witnessed): 0
Number of Escapes from Arkham: 0
Review of Night: N/A
Notes: Need to work on my avoidance skills.
Notes on Team: Was the victim of a very well thought out ambush first thing this morning, while avoiding the Sun. Was then kidnapped by Superman, and forced to take the night off.
Bruce's Notes: It was my birthday today. Everyone was here, and we had a nice quiet celebration. Alfred made a delicious chocolate cake as usual, Dick made sure there was chocolate sauce a plenty. Dick is going to be beaten very severely on the practice mats tomorrow. Clark and Kon where here too, Tim and Kon thankfully seem to have made up. And took the chocolate sauce with them. Which I am not thinking about. Dick and Cass are going on patrol tonight. They banned me from leaving the house today. And Clark's making sure that I follow their orders. Or maybe they were his.
They all worry about me a great deal. I wish they wouldn't. They know I do everything I can to be safe, to keep them safe... but... They worry just as much about my emotional well-being, and who's to blame them? It's pretty clear I have Multiple Personality Disorder - anyone who looks at these entries can see that. And of course, there's the depression, along with a host of other things. Sometimes... sometimes, it just seems too hard to go on. To carry on. I know there are so many people relying on me, and I have to carry on for them... and for myself.
I know, deep down, that I would have gone insane a long time ago if I hadn't become Batman. Though there are those who think I am insane. Maybe I am a little - surely it takes someone who isn't completely right in the head to have done what I have. Gone out dressed like a giant bat, then brought children into my crusade... No one would say that that is sane.
The depression is worse today. I blame birthday blues. Nothing can depress you like getting another year older. Another year full of regrets and pain. Another year less. Another year gone in the finite amount of time I'll be able to continue this, continue to be Batman. Frankly I'm amazed I've lived this long. I never would have thought I would. Even before this all started, when I was training, I thought I would be dead by now, that the odds of being 'only human' and going up against all the threats I do every night would have caught up with me by now. But they haven't. Oh, I've had some close calls, but they've never been enough. I've always come back. Sometimes I think I don't want to, I would give anything just to rest. I'm so tired. But then I think of Dick and Tim and Alfred and Cass and Clark, and I know what my death would do to them. It would hurt them a... great deal. And I can't do that to them. I... care about them too much.
Clark's calling me, wanting to give me a extra 'present' in my bedroom. I can't help but smile. Clark... without Clark... god. I don't ever want to think about a life without Clark. I've had to experience it once, and that... I wouldn't be able to live if I was the one who had to... No. It won't come to that. Clark's too strong.
But sometimes, I wish he had never given me that kryptonite.
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Bruce/Clark, BatClan. Hints of Tim/Kon
Word Count: 639
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Previous parts, with notes, can be found Here. Unbetaed, so point and I shall correct. Happy birthday to the Bat!
Tuesday 19th February 2008
Number of Crimes Stopped: 0
Number of Murders (witnessed): 0
Number of Escapes from Arkham: 0
Review of Night: N/A
Notes: Need to work on my avoidance skills.
Notes on Team: Was the victim of a very well thought out ambush first thing this morning, while avoiding the Sun. Was then kidnapped by Superman, and forced to take the night off.
Bruce's Notes: It was my birthday today. Everyone was here, and we had a nice quiet celebration. Alfred made a delicious chocolate cake as usual, Dick made sure there was chocolate sauce a plenty. Dick is going to be beaten very severely on the practice mats tomorrow. Clark and Kon where here too, Tim and Kon thankfully seem to have made up. And took the chocolate sauce with them. Which I am not thinking about. Dick and Cass are going on patrol tonight. They banned me from leaving the house today. And Clark's making sure that I follow their orders. Or maybe they were his.
They all worry about me a great deal. I wish they wouldn't. They know I do everything I can to be safe, to keep them safe... but... They worry just as much about my emotional well-being, and who's to blame them? It's pretty clear I have Multiple Personality Disorder - anyone who looks at these entries can see that. And of course, there's the depression, along with a host of other things. Sometimes... sometimes, it just seems too hard to go on. To carry on. I know there are so many people relying on me, and I have to carry on for them... and for myself.
I know, deep down, that I would have gone insane a long time ago if I hadn't become Batman. Though there are those who think I am insane. Maybe I am a little - surely it takes someone who isn't completely right in the head to have done what I have. Gone out dressed like a giant bat, then brought children into my crusade... No one would say that that is sane.
The depression is worse today. I blame birthday blues. Nothing can depress you like getting another year older. Another year full of regrets and pain. Another year less. Another year gone in the finite amount of time I'll be able to continue this, continue to be Batman. Frankly I'm amazed I've lived this long. I never would have thought I would. Even before this all started, when I was training, I thought I would be dead by now, that the odds of being 'only human' and going up against all the threats I do every night would have caught up with me by now. But they haven't. Oh, I've had some close calls, but they've never been enough. I've always come back. Sometimes I think I don't want to, I would give anything just to rest. I'm so tired. But then I think of Dick and Tim and Alfred and Cass and Clark, and I know what my death would do to them. It would hurt them a... great deal. And I can't do that to them. I... care about them too much.
Clark's calling me, wanting to give me a extra 'present' in my bedroom. I can't help but smile. Clark... without Clark... god. I don't ever want to think about a life without Clark. I've had to experience it once, and that... I wouldn't be able to live if I was the one who had to... No. It won't come to that. Clark's too strong.
But sometimes, I wish he had never given me that kryptonite.
