Ficlet: Just a memory...

[starsandsea]

I'm going to ramble a bit before the fic, so feel free to ignore this. I'm still so behind on the flist! I think... a week now? Maybe? Anyway, I really hope to get caught up some tomorrow! I got the bandage taken off today! Yay! And I didn't have to have any stitches taken out because they are all under my skin and will dissolve or whatever they do... (Under my skin, WTF? How did they do that? LOL) Anyway, apparently they had to take quite a lot away, including some tissue and stuff, and well as some of the bone, and I have a stitch attached to the bone? To put it back in it's proper place? Ewwww... I'm not thinking about that. Anyway, it hurts! I need to bend it slightly now, to make sure I'll have full use of it again, but it hurts a lot when I get it to a certain point. Apparently, that's the stitch attached to the bone protesting. Anyway, I have to wear another bandage for the next 10 days to try and stop it swelling too much, but I can take this one off at night and I can actually wash my arm again! Wheee! It's feeling... tender. But okayish as long as I don't bend it, lol. Oh, and they sent the cyst off to the path lab and it was just a ganglion, not something bad. So, it's a relief to really know for certain. Anyway, the fic! :)

Title: Just a memory...
Rating: PG
Pairing: Bruce/Clark, Clark/Lois
Summary: Bruce's thoughts at Clark and Lois' wedding.
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Thanks to the amazing arch_schatten for betaing this!



It was just a memory now. Almost like it had never been. Almost. Bruce wished he could forget, but it was the curse of his outstanding mind that he never would. The edges would fade and get rumpled, but the core memory - that would never go. He would forever be able to remember the way Clark had looked that day. He had been so happy. So very happy.



Bruce sighed. He had been so handsome in his tux, his hair ruffled by the wind. Bruce reminded himself for the hundredth time that it was insane to be jealous of the wind, but he was. He would never get to run his fingers through Clark's tresses so why should the wind be able to? Bruce shook his head. He didn't want to remember the rest of that day, but his traitorous mind wouldn't allow him to forget.



Clark had been so adorably nervous, and Bruce had longed to be able to hold him...but he couldn't. And then, the moment that Bruce had been dreading arrived. The music started to play and the guests stood up, many of the women sighing. Lois Lane walked up the aisle and into the arms of the man he loved. Bruce was sure that if Clark hadn't been so focused on her, he would have been able to hear his heart breaking.



Bruce didn't stand when the vicar asked if there were any objections. He couldn't. How could be ruin Clark's life like that? And besides, Clark didn't love him. He never had. Bruce had deluded himself into thinking that he would one day have a chance with him, but that was all it was. A delusion. He should have known that he would never be good enough for Clark.



Bruce sighed again. The look on Clark's face when he and Lois were declared husband and wife... he would have given anything to have Clark look at him like that, even if only for an instant. But it didn't happen. Instead, Clark reached down and drew his new wife into a deep kiss. Bruce wanted so much to look away, but his body was frozen and his eyes and mind did the job he had trained them to do since he was a child: catalogue and record everything.



So Bruce could now recall in perfect detail how Clark had looked when he and Lois walked down the aisle, both of them smiling so joyfully. And he could remember every sensation when Clark had come over to him at the reception, and thanked him for coming. He had almost, so very almost had that look of happiness and love directed at him, but it had dimmed considerably when Clark gazed at him. Bruce understood why. He wasn't exactly the most cheerful person on the planet.



So, as soon as he could he made his excuses and left in answer to Clark's never to be spoken out loud request, and for his own sake. The images he already had from that day were burned into his brain, never to be forgotten. He had tried to pretend he didn't see the brief flash of relief that crossed Clark's face as he left, just like he pretended he didn't see Lois' pointed look of triumph. It had been the one battle he had lost. And the wounds were never more deadly.

Comments

[greeneyelove.livejournal.com]

*sobs*

Wow. That was a heartbreaker! Wonderful Bruce POV and perfect emotion.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs the woobie!Bruce*

[tmelange.livejournal.com]

Woe!!! Fix it please!!!

This was beautiful, but so sad! Poor Bruce. How can Clark be so heartless? I suppose I should be happy for Lois...but I'm not! I just want my boys to be together. :(

Well done, C. Bravo.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

My Clark!Muse was protesting most vehemently that this wasn't him. Because he loves his Bruce and would never hurt him like this! *hugs them both*

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

[bradygirl_12]

Oh, goodness!

Now, is Clark relieved that Bruce leaves because he knows that Lois is jealous of Bruce (that look of triumph got me!), or is he relieved because now he won't have to think, "Gee, maybe I made a mistake?" LOL!

But this was so heartbreakingly beautiful, Star!

I'm with Theresa. Fix it, pretty please? Maybe, after the honeymoon, Clark dumps Lois and comes running to Bruce, hmm? ;)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Now, is Clark relieved that Bruce leaves because he knows that Lois is jealous of Bruce (that look of triumph got me!), or is he relieved because now he won't have to think, "Gee, maybe I made a mistake?" LOL!

LOL, I'm... not sure. I think it was more that he knew Lois was jealous... but my Clark!Muse was protesting vehemently that this wasn't him. It was another him from some other universe, because he loves his Bruce and would never, ever, hurt him like this. *pets him* *hugs the woobie!Bruce*

I don't know if I can fix this! But, if, as my Clark!Muse says, this wasn't him, then there's nothing to worry about, is there? LOL

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! :)

[jij.livejournal.com]

Bruce reminded himself for the hundredth time that it was insane to be jealous of the wind, but he was.

Augh! *wibbles* This is a use of photographic memory I've never seen, and that smarts a whole lot...but you describe the almost hallucinogenic clarity of seeing the details like snapshots really well. (Love the line about memories perhaps getting "rumpled around the edges").

So sad! But so nicely written! *applauds and blows nose*

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Augh! *wibbles* This is a use of photographic memory I've never seen, and that smarts a whole lot...but you describe the almost hallucinogenic clarity of seeing the details like snapshots really well. (Love the line about memories perhaps getting "rumpled around the edges").

Poor, poor Bruce with his photographic memory... it must really suck sometimes. *hugs him* That line was one of my favorites. :)

I'm really glad you liked this, Jen!

[cavaleira.livejournal.com]

Aww, my poor Bruce! This was so painful but so good. Especially lines like this:

Bruce wanted so much to look away, but his body was frozen and his eyes and mind did the job he had trained them to do since he was a child: catalogue and record everything.

Ouch. One of his greatest strength turned against him. This was all heartbreaking goodness.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Poor, poor Bruce. *hugs him*

Ouch. One of his greatest strength turned against him.

Oh, I know. I was just twisting the knife there!

I'm glad you liked this! :)

[(Anonymous)]

*Lip quivers* Wahhhh~!!! D: Poor Bruce~! That almost made me tear up. Great job with expressing his emotions tho. *Goes to fetch Alfred so he could make Bruce some cookies*

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*hugs poor poor Bruce* He's very woobie at the moment! He most definitely needs Alfred to make him cookies. :)

Thank you for commenting! :)

[taro-twist.livejournal.com]

Oh god, this was so beautiful and sad! And I needed something like this--like this exact fic, lol--so badly. I've been dying to read jealous and heartbroken Bruce-fic for some reason, lol, and this was exactly exactly what I was looking for. Thank you!

Bruce wished he could forget, but it was the curse of his outstanding mind that he never would.

Oh god, I loved that line. The phrase "outstanding mind," the fact that Bruce is cursed by his own memory to be unable to forget the one thing he wants to move past.

Bruce reminded himself for the hundredth time that it was insane to be jealous of the wind, but he was.

Oh Bruce, I feel your pain!!! Jealous of the wind because it can get closer to Clark than he can. *hugs him*

but his traitorous mind wouldn't allow him to forget.

And again, I love all your references to Bruce's perfect memory, the adjectives you use to describe his mind. "Traitorous" is such a perfect word choice.

Lois Lane walked up the aisle and into the arms of the man he loved.

I had to do a double take with that sentence! For a minute I thought I had misread "he loved" but no, no, it was right! It's amazing how powerful that one, subtle change of pronoun is ... I expected it to be "she loved" since it was Lois walking into Clark's arms, but no, it was "he" because Bruce loves him and Lois is taking him away *wails*

he would have been able to hear his heart breaking.

That was a gorgeous line. *tears*

And besides, Clark didn't love him. He never had. Bruce had deluded himself into thinking that he would one day have a chance with him, but that was all it was. A delusion.

Oh god, that's even worse, to think that he had a chance and then to finally finally realize that it was all a fantasy and to have it all come crashing down. And of course Bruce would think he had a chance, because he and Clark are such good friends, there could be something more ... agh, but that's the worst that it was only him reading into it. :((((

he would have given anything to have Clark look at him like that, even if only for an instant. But it didn't happen.

Eep. I can completely feel the longing he has for Clark here, how he would just give anything for a scrap of him, but even that's too much to hope for. ;.;

his eyes and mind did the job he had trained them to do since he was a child: catalogue and record everything.

And again, his training betrays him, woee!!!

Oh god, and the ending was the worst twist of the knife yet! I was thinking that Clark and Lois didn't know about Bruce's feelings for Clark, but to find out that Clark had known and still rejected him (how could you Clark how could youuuu????), and then this:

he pretended he didn't see Lois' pointed look of triumph.

AUGH! I love Lois, but you made me hate her here. Have some sympathy, Lois, you evil woman arrrggghhh

Oh, and this line:

And the wounds were never more deadly.

*bawls* This fic did give me the impression that losing Clark was going to take Bruce a long time to recover from, and this line just sealed it.

Anyway, I can't express how much I loved this fic. I guess I've been in an angsty mood lately, and this hit the spot. :D Thanks for sharing! *applauds* *goes back to reread*

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

And I needed something like this--like this exact fic, lol--so badly. I've been dying to read jealous and heartbroken Bruce-fic for some reason, lol, and this was exactly exactly what I was looking for. Thank you!

You're welcome! I've been wanting to post this one for some time now. :)

The phrase "outstanding mind," the fact that Bruce is cursed by his own memory to be unable to forget the one thing he wants to move past.

Oh, I know. Poor, poor Bruce. *hugs him*

I had to do a double take with that sentence! For a minute I thought I had misread "he loved" but no, no, it was right! It's amazing how powerful that one, subtle change of pronoun is ... I expected it to be "she loved" since it was Lois walking into Clark's arms, but no, it was "he" because Bruce loves him and Lois is taking him away *wails*

LOL, I did the same thing whenever I re-read this! I thought about changing it, but then I realized I wasn't sure if Lois actually loves Clark and was just doing the whole thing for spite...

Oh god, that's even worse, to think that he had a chance and then to finally finally realize that it was all a fantasy and to have it all come crashing down. And of course Bruce would think he had a chance, because he and Clark are such good friends, there could be something more ... agh, but that's the worst that it was only him reading into it. :((((

I know! *sniffles* *hugs Bruce even harder*

Oh god, and the ending was the worst twist of the knife yet! I was thinking that Clark and Lois didn't know about Bruce's feelings for Clark, but to find out that Clark had known and still rejected him (how could you Clark how could youuuu????)

*sniffles again* I would hit Clark, but he keeps protesting that this wasn't him, that it was some other, evil, version of him because he loves his Bruce and would never, ever, hurt him like this!

AUGH! I love Lois, but you made me hate her here. Have some sympathy, Lois, you evil woman arrrggghhh

I've only recently come to like Lois, so you'll find that most of fics that have her in, I don't... view her in the best light, lol.

*bawls* This fic did give me the impression that losing Clark was going to take Bruce a long time to recover from, and this line just sealed it.

I... don't think Bruce is ever going to recover from it, actually. The best I can hope for is that he is somehow killed soon. And then Clark realizes that he always loved him and now it's too late, and there is much angst... *glomps Bruce*

Thank you so much for the wonderful comment! It really brightened up my day. :)

[arch-schatten.livejournal.com]

The best I can hope for is that he is somehow killed soon. And then Clark realizes that he always loved him and now it's too late, and there is much angst...

LOL, we think too much alike, Star! When I start writing stories in my head and Bruce starts going down the slippery slope.. I always end up killing him. And then, angst! All your fault, Clark, for not taking care of your Bat! X) It's such delightful drama, even if it's totally soap opera-y in my head :P

I love this story! It huurts! Lois' look of triumph and Clark being glad Bruce leaves.. I don't know which one hurts the most. Because if it was just one or the other, maybe my Bruce could deal, but both? oh, both? *rips heart out*

*pets Bruce* Him thinking he was just deluding himself thinking he had a chance.. augh. I don't know if I want to think that maybe he did have a chance but he never really.. worked on it, or if he's truly right, and he never really had a chance... not Clark's fault, though! he can't help being straight, lol :P

Thank you for sharing this story, dear! It hurt in the best of ways :)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, we think too much alike, Star! When I start writing stories in my head and Bruce starts going down the slippery slope.. I always end up killing him. And then, angst! All your fault, Clark, for not taking care of your Bat! X) It's such delightful drama, even if it's totally soap opera-y in my head :P

Such a soap opera! LOL. All Clark's fault as always. *giggles* We do think too much alike...

I love this story! It huurts! Lois' look of triumph and Clark being glad Bruce leaves.. I don't know which one hurts the most. Because if it was just one or the other, maybe my Bruce could deal, but both? oh, both? *rips heart out*

They both hurt!!! *sobs* Clarrrrkkk! All your fault!

*pets Bruce* Him thinking he was just deluding himself thinking he had a chance.. augh. I don't know if I want to think that maybe he did have a chance but he never really.. worked on it, or if he's truly right, and he never really had a chance... not Clark's fault, though! he can't help being straight, lol :P

*glomps Bruce* They are both bad things aren't they? Clark can soooo help being straight. He does fly around in spandex after all. LOL. Look after your Bat, Clark! He loves yooouuu!!!

Thank you commenting on this! And for betaing! I hope school is going okay, and you have survived the first week! :)

[thebatbunny.livejournal.com]

Great fic add me all teary eyed

"Bruce was sure that if Clark hadn't been so focused on her, he would have been able to hear his heart breaking."

poor bruce!! he's in so much pain!! he needs some comfort!!!
it's time for clark to get out of the closet!!!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Poor, poor Bruce! *hugs him* *feeds him cookies*

Clark is being very silly here. Look after your Bat, Clark! He needs you!

Thank you for commenting on this! :)

[yetanothermask.livejournal.com]

Abosolutely beautiful and heartbreaking. Poor Bruce!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :) Poor, poor Bruce, indeed. *hugs him*

[sasha-anu.livejournal.com]

Ouch.

*huggles Bruce*

The poor baby obviously needs love.

*punches Clark for being so mean*

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*huggles Bruce with you*

Clark needs to open his eyes and see what he's missing! Bad Clark, Bad!

Thank you for commenting on this! :)