![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starsandseaTitle: Batman's Files and Bruce's Diary (20/?)
Rating: PG-13 for darkness
Characters: Bruce, BatClan, Harvey, Clark
Word Count: 720
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Previous parts, with notes, can be found here. Unbetaed, so point and I shall correct.
Friday 14th March 2008
Number of Crimes Stopped: 0
Number of murders (witnessed): 0
Number of Escapes from Arkham: 0
Review of Night: N/A
Notes: N/A
Notes on Team: N/A
Bruce's Notes: I went to see Harvey today. He was very quiet. Two-Face hardly made an appearance while I was there. He seems... better, in a way. Worse in others. I think it helped him to see me, see that Two-Face hadn't hurt me irreparably. It hurts to see him there, see what Two-Face does to him. I wish I could just make Two-Face disappear, make it so that he was never created... but then I wonder if it wouldn't have happened anyway, if it would be even worse if Harvey had been able to suppress his feelings for longer. They would be even more powerful then.
But he seemed okay, today. I can tell that he hates himself for what he did, and he shied away if I came too close. He's afraid to let me get too close, let me touch him, in case he loses control again, and hurts me. Afraid that if he lets anyone too close, he'll hurt them, or worse. I know exactly how he feels. I can only hope that someday... someday he'll find someone who can get past those barriers, and heal him. I hope that with all my heart, but if I'm honest with myself... I know that day will never come. Not that I'll be around to see, at least.
I got depressed, as usual, when I came back from Arkham. I really hate that place, where despair seems to have soaked into the walls, into the very building, sapping away any hope. I suppose you could say the same about the manor. I've surely let enough despair out that it has been marked for eternity. I wonder if it saps the light from Clark and Dick, and that's why they can't stay here long anymore. They need to get out of Gotham, every few days, and go to somewhere like Metropolis, where hope clings to everything, not darkness and death. I miss them, but I can never fit in there, never fit in with the brightness.
Metropolis doesn't like me very much. It knows I've got too much darkness in me, and if I'm not careful, then I'll spread it to Clark. That can't happen. Clark needs to be bright for the world to see. The world needs a symbol of hope. So do I. I've got Tim, of course, he's a symbol of hope in the darkness, but... his brightness has been substantially reduced since his parents died. I can see Gotham greedily eating it away, filling him with darkness and bitterness instead. That's why I approve of Kon. Tim isn't beyond saving, as I fear I am.
Perhaps I'll be left behind one day, left behind with Harvey. I'll be part of the Asylum then, too, spreading my own darkness and bitterness into the walls, into Gotham. I can only hope and pray that I die long before that day, as painful as that would be for my family. I don't want them to see that darkness totally overtake me, see me going insane, finally. I don't want them to have to see that. It would be easier for them if I just died one night, it wouldn't be as painful. But then I worry about what my death will do to them, especially Clark and Dick. I know that Dick won't leave Gotham after that. And the darkness will take him, then. Clark might fare better, maybe he could save Dick, too, but...
Sometimes I think it would be best if I pushed them all away, said and did things that I know they will never forgive me over, so that when I do die, at last, the pain won't be so much, and I won't be dragging them down with me. But I'm selfish and want them to stay, want their light. I need their light in my darkness.
I'm going to get them all killed, one day.
Rating: PG-13 for darkness
Characters: Bruce, BatClan, Harvey, Clark
Word Count: 720
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: Previous parts, with notes, can be found here. Unbetaed, so point and I shall correct.
Friday 14th March 2008
Number of Crimes Stopped: 0
Number of murders (witnessed): 0
Number of Escapes from Arkham: 0
Review of Night: N/A
Notes: N/A
Notes on Team: N/A
Bruce's Notes: I went to see Harvey today. He was very quiet. Two-Face hardly made an appearance while I was there. He seems... better, in a way. Worse in others. I think it helped him to see me, see that Two-Face hadn't hurt me irreparably. It hurts to see him there, see what Two-Face does to him. I wish I could just make Two-Face disappear, make it so that he was never created... but then I wonder if it wouldn't have happened anyway, if it would be even worse if Harvey had been able to suppress his feelings for longer. They would be even more powerful then.
But he seemed okay, today. I can tell that he hates himself for what he did, and he shied away if I came too close. He's afraid to let me get too close, let me touch him, in case he loses control again, and hurts me. Afraid that if he lets anyone too close, he'll hurt them, or worse. I know exactly how he feels. I can only hope that someday... someday he'll find someone who can get past those barriers, and heal him. I hope that with all my heart, but if I'm honest with myself... I know that day will never come. Not that I'll be around to see, at least.
I got depressed, as usual, when I came back from Arkham. I really hate that place, where despair seems to have soaked into the walls, into the very building, sapping away any hope. I suppose you could say the same about the manor. I've surely let enough despair out that it has been marked for eternity. I wonder if it saps the light from Clark and Dick, and that's why they can't stay here long anymore. They need to get out of Gotham, every few days, and go to somewhere like Metropolis, where hope clings to everything, not darkness and death. I miss them, but I can never fit in there, never fit in with the brightness.
Metropolis doesn't like me very much. It knows I've got too much darkness in me, and if I'm not careful, then I'll spread it to Clark. That can't happen. Clark needs to be bright for the world to see. The world needs a symbol of hope. So do I. I've got Tim, of course, he's a symbol of hope in the darkness, but... his brightness has been substantially reduced since his parents died. I can see Gotham greedily eating it away, filling him with darkness and bitterness instead. That's why I approve of Kon. Tim isn't beyond saving, as I fear I am.
Perhaps I'll be left behind one day, left behind with Harvey. I'll be part of the Asylum then, too, spreading my own darkness and bitterness into the walls, into Gotham. I can only hope and pray that I die long before that day, as painful as that would be for my family. I don't want them to see that darkness totally overtake me, see me going insane, finally. I don't want them to have to see that. It would be easier for them if I just died one night, it wouldn't be as painful. But then I worry about what my death will do to them, especially Clark and Dick. I know that Dick won't leave Gotham after that. And the darkness will take him, then. Clark might fare better, maybe he could save Dick, too, but...
Sometimes I think it would be best if I pushed them all away, said and did things that I know they will never forgive me over, so that when I do die, at last, the pain won't be so much, and I won't be dragging them down with me. But I'm selfish and want them to stay, want their light. I need their light in my darkness.
I'm going to get them all killed, one day.
