Fic: Alien Courtship

[starsandsea]

Title: Alien Courtship
Rating: PGish
Pairing: Bruce/Clark
Word Count: 1379
Warnings: Crack!
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Author's Note: For the WFGE! For prompt F1 - 'Wierd alien courting habits.Like displays of intelligence, intricate courtship rituals (maybe something with an flying display [think bald eagles]?), crooning/purring whenever Bruce gets near.Clark can be doing this knowingly, having researched how to properly acquire a mate the Kryptonian way at the fortress, or just have a biological need to do all this random shit for an amused/wary/author's-choice Bruce. One million extra points if one of the stange habits is nesting: I've just got this great mental image of Clark all snuggled up to Bruce in a strange mass of downy pillows and blankets (Clark can provide for his mate, yes he can!)' Unbetaed, so point and I shall correct. :)





This was... odd, Bruce thought, as Clark started making a purring sound in his ear. He was used to Clark's somewhat strange habits, but this... He really was purring, sounding more cat like than Selina ever had. Yet there were also different noises, like clicks and chirps... The sound got louder as Clark pressed himself closer, arms tightening about him.

All right, this was very odd. The sound was almost like a buzzing noise, now, and he briefly entertained the idea that Clark had been turned into some kind of radio receiver. Bruce carefully rolled over in the bed, his movements waking Clark, and the noise stopped. Bruce eyed him warily.

Clark blinked sleepily at him, then frowned. "What's wrong?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"You were making a... noise. A purring, clicking, buzzing noise."

Clark blinked, then froze, and a somewhat panicked expression came over his face, that he tried to hide by laughing. "Oh, was I? Um, sorry... I... won't let it happen again. But I really need to go now, so have a good day. Bye!"

And then he was gone, the blankets falling to the bed where had been lying, only a slight rustling of papers and the curtains evidence of his use of super speed. Bruce blinked, took a deep breath, then let it out as a sigh, before rolling over again. Clark really was very odd, sometimes.

*****

That afternoon he was in a meeting room at Wayne Tower, trying not to fall asleep. Not all of it was acting. Gotham had been busy recently, and Harvey had broken out of Arkham... It was always difficult when it was Harvey.

A shadow flickered across the table, much too fast to be a cloud, and there was a cry of excitement from one of the women. "Superman!"

Heads turned and Bruce blinked, turning himself. "What's he doing... in... Gotham...?" The end of the question trailed off, as they stared as Superman started... flying. Twisting, turning, shooting up, then plunging down, running up close along the edge of the building, then out, in a large circle. Tumbling, head over shoulders, his hands making a complex gesture...

Bruce realized his mouth was hanging open, but so was everyone elses. "Uh... maybe... Maybe he's fighting one of those invisible guys?" Some one ventured.

"No, I bet he's mind controlled again."

The... display... continued, Superman showing off all of his flying skills. Bruce was going over all of their recent missions - had he been exposed to Kryptonite, recently? Some other mind altering substance? Maybe he should contact J'onn and ask him to do a mind scan and check?

Superman came up from a dive, back arched, facing them, arms spread, so that his chest was on full display. There were gasps and sighs from those watching. Then Superman blinked, and looked confused, before staring at them. Bruce raised an eyebrow at him, and he looked horrified, face flushing the same color as his cape, then shot off into the sky.

"Wonder what that was all about?"

"Those guys at the Daily Planet will know. They know everything about Superman."

There were nods, murmurs of agreement, and soft sighs of appreciation. Bruce remained staring out the window, frowning.

******

Clark, not unsurprisingly, was ignoring him. Bruce felt his eyes narrowing. Well, if he was going to be so childish, there was only one thing that he could do. Try and hack into the Fortress. It would take a long time, but given the way Clark was acting...

Bruce took a deep breath, then got to work. Above him the bats whirled as they flew out for their evening flight. He ignored them, working on dense, Kryptonian code. Alfred came down with dinner, which he absently ate. No emergencies so far. Nightwing, Robin and Batgirl were on patrol, and Oracle was keeping watch over everything.

Bruce yawned. Still no contact from Clark, but shaky camera footage showed him on patrol in Metropolis - and a few other places around the globe - acting normal, Bruce was pleased to note.

Another hour crawled by, and then... Bruce sat back in relief as the Fortress finally opened to him. Now the real work could begin. He started searching through medical texts, trying to find some mention of a clicking purring noise. Something caught his eye: 'It is theorized that under the influence of a yellow sun, an elaborate flying display will occur, as the Kryptonian in the Courting Cycle tries to attract a mate.'

Bruce stared. Then stared again at what he found on the clicking, purring sound. The hazards of dating an alien... No wonder Clark was embarrassed. And yet, he could not help but smirk a little, as he read further...

*****

There was a JLA meeting, the next morning. Why it was in the morning, Batman did not know, but judging from people's reactions it would not be happening again. Half of them seemed asleep, and everything had to be repeated twice.

At last, the meeting was over. Flash zoomed out, as usual, but notably slower as he mumbled something about coffee. Everyone else slowly followed him out. J'onn and Diana were talking softly, as Batman stood. Superman stood with him, and Batman paused, looking at him. Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprisingly, given his behavior in recent days, Superman blushed and looked away. Batman looked at him a moment longer, before starting to leave.

"GliztztzcrackleGlztztz."

He stopped again, and stared at Superman, seeing Diana and J'onn do the same.

"Kal? Are you all right?" Diana's eyes were concerned. J'onn just looked amused.

Superman blushed again. "Oh, yeah, I'm just," he yawned. "Really tired."

Diana nodded, looking as if she didn't quite believe him. Batman just snorted, and left the room, hearing another crackle behind him as he did.

*****

That evening, Bruce Wayne walked into the Daily Planet. Most of his employees had already left. Clark was hunched over his desk, typing at his computer, often pausing to look at his notes, one finger pushing up his glasses as he did so.

Bruce found the sight oddly endearing, so... Clark. The complete opposite to the way he had been acting, recently. He cleared his throat, wondering if Clark really had been oblivious to his approach, or if he was just being polite. Or, if he didn't want to see him. Bruce frowned at that last thought.

"Brugrztzxracklegrztzcue!"

Bruce stared, and Clark blushed again, looking away from him. "Clark. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, just, um... busy."

Bruce sighed softly. "I see."

"Um. What are you doing here?" Clark had turned to look at him now, and Bruce raised an eyebrow at him. "Not that you're not welcome, of course, it's just that I'm... surprised to see you."

Bruce leaned against Clark's desk, seeing him swallow. "You've been ignoring me."

"I haven't-!"

"Yes, you have."

Clark swallowed again, and looked away, glancing around. The other workers had just left. They were alone. Clark looked back at him now, biting his lip, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before opening them again.

But Bruce stopped him before he could speak. "Clark - don't you know that Metropolis is where you are most likely to be abducted by an alien?"

Clark stared at him. Then lunged.

*****

Bruce wasn't sure how much time had passed. He was sleepy, and it didn't matter - it was the weekend, now. He yawned, and Kal made a mewling noise. Not an alien noise, just a happy, content, tired one. It seemed Kal's courting cycle was over now, no doubt because of their 'mating'. Bruce snorted softly.

Kal stirred. "I'm sorry for all the weird stuff, but I just couldn't control it..."

Bruce snorted again. "Did you think I didn't know what was going on?"

Kal was still behind him, before laughing ruefully. "You're mean."

Bruce smirked. "You do make a good nest, though."

Kal groaned softly, and he tried not to snicker. The bed in the Fortress was a mass of pillows and silly silver blankets. It was actually quite comfortable, once you got the fluffiness out of the way.

"You're never going to let me forget this, are you?"

Bruce didn't reply, but then, his smirk said it all.

Comments

[senmut]

+giggles+

Bruce is mean, and poor Clark!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for commenting! :)

[kojonoyuri.livejournal.com]

LOL! Poor Clark and his weird alien mating rituals. I think my favorite part of this is when J'onn is just looking amused by everything. Excellent! Great job!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Poor Clark has to put up with a lot, with his Kryptonian biology... :p

Thank you for commenting! I'm so glad you liked this! :)

[mosellegreen.livejournal.com]

Aww, this is so cute. And the silver blankets are a nice nod to the Superman II movie, which I just watched this month for the first time since I was a kid.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, I have to admit that I've never seen Superman II, but I've heard a lot about the silver blankets. I'm glad you liked that touch!

Thank you for commenting! :)

[gogglehead84.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, XD Kryptonian biology is always so fun! (well when we play with it).

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, yes, Kryptonian biology is fun when we play with it - even if Clark doesn't feel the same. :p

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked this. :)

[northern-star.livejournal.com]

Teehee! That was so much fun! :)

Poor Supes, though, that had to be entirely too embarrassing for words. lol! luckily he has a smart mate. hehehe!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Poor Clark was very, very embarrassed about it all! *pets him*

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked it! :D

[vipers-in-love.livejournal.com]

Ooh, very funny! The thought of Clark purring is enough to crack me up. It's just so...him, especially when you think about how people always describe Bruce as growling (i.e. like a dog). And the flight scene--that was a too good. I mean, he actually got Bruce's jaw to drop. That deserves a medal. Great job, and I love the final image of them nestled in the Fortress. I love those nature shows when the male bird builds the nest for the female bird, and while Bruce isn't the female here, the whole image just makes me laugh. Bruce better watch out that an egg doesn't suddenly appear somewhere underneath him. LOL!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, I'm so glad you liked this! I had too much fun writing it, and Clark purring - you're right, it is a good contrast to Bruce's growling! I hadn't thought of that, before. And the flight scene! Hee! LOL, I loved writing Bruce's reaction to that - you're right again, Clark does deserve a medal.

Bruce better watch out that an egg doesn't suddenly appear somewhere underneath him. LOL!

LOL, he should! And I can just imagine his reaction to it... :p

Thank you so much for commenting! I'm really glad you liked this! :D

[cat-13145.livejournal.com]

Am tired, so meant to leave this till tomorrow, but couldn't resist.
Poor Clark. but he did prove he is a good provider. And bats do need to be courted.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, Bats do need to be courted! :p

Thank you for commenting, I'm really glad you enjoyed this - and I hope you've been able to rest! :)

[jlvsclrk.livejournal.com]

*snort* That was so much fun. I love it when Clark has these alien impulses.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*grins* I had too much fun writing it!

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked it! :D

[lilacs-roses.livejournal.com]

LOL Poor Kal/Clark/Superman... /shakes head. Being an alien's gotta be tough, especially when all you want to do is 'be human.'

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*pets Clark* It has got to be really difficult for him, espeically when his body is doing things like this... *pets him again* Fortunately, he's got Bruce to make up for it. :)

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked it! :D

[patrese1.livejournal.com]

I love Kryptonian mating cycles ;)! Clark is so flustered and embarrassed while Bruce is having a little fun with the situation. I still have a smile on my face from reading this story. Thanks so much for sharing!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, Bruce was very amused by it all - and I'm sure that Clark will be too, in time.

Thank you so much for commenting! I'm really glad that this could make you smile! :)

[dreamerelusive.livejournal.com]

HAVE I TOOOOOOOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUU~
Ohmygod, this was my prompt. And the end result is a thing of BEAUTY AND MAJESTY. This should be engraved on a giant plaque and dipped in copper, left to age tastefully at the foot of the Statue of Liberty or somewhere equally as prominent.

I love how seriously Bruce was taking everything until he figured out just what the hell was going on. Just- GUH. It's everything I could've hoped for!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*dances* YAY!! I'm so glad that you liked it! :D

LOL, you know, its funny that this was your prompt, because I almost added onto the author's note an apology to you, that it was so similar to your own fic...

*dances again* I'm so happy that it was what you hoped for! And I have to thank you, for such a fun prompt, I laughed so much to myself, writing this, and everything that Clark was going through. So thank you! :D And thank you for commenting! :D

[bradygirl_12]

LOL! Delightful story, Star!

I cracked up at the flying display. Sort of like a peacock preening or a robin showing off his breast, hmm? ;) The 'mating' sounds and displays were just precious! *giggles*

I liked how Bruce was playful with it once he learned what was going on instead of being annoyed or truly mean-spirited. He was smirky but not cruel, and even though he'll embarrass Clark with this, Clark still feels comfortable with him. Good boy, Bruce! :)

One of your best, m'dear! :)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

I cracked up at the flying display. Sort of like a peacock preening or a robin showing off his breast, hmm? ;) The 'mating' sounds and displays were just precious! *giggles*

*giggles* I cracked up myself, writing it!

I liked how Bruce was playful with it once he learned what was going on instead of being annoyed or truly mean-spirited. He was smirky but not cruel, and even though he'll embarrass Clark with this, Clark still feels comfortable with him. Good boy, Bruce! :)

*pets Bruce* He was very amused by it all, and yes, he'll embarrass Clark, but I'm sure that Clark would tease him about it, if their situations were reversed. :p

Thank you for commenting, Brady! I'm so glad you liked this! :D

[hitokaji.livejournal.com]

Awww...Clark was adorable. And his weird flying things were funny. I can imagine Bruce's confused-yet-amused face. lol.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*pets Clark and Bruce* They were both being quite adorable in this, both of them so confused. *pets them again*

Thank you for commenting, Hito! I'm really glad you liked this! :D

[ladyblkrose.livejournal.com]

Oh that was so incredibly cute. Poor Clark, caught by biology and unable to resist or stop and the displays make me wonder if Kryptonians have avian origins since the vocalizations, flight displays and nesting are all avian in nature so maybe the egg will appear under Clark and not Bruce in due time. Now that would be funny in the extreme.
Thank you for sharing and for doing so well with this prompt.

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*pets Clark* Kryptonitan biology is really really fun to play around with (even if Clark doesn't agree!)

LOL, and maybe the egg will appear! And I just imagine Bruce's reaction to it. :p

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked this! :)

[angelinachaser7.livejournal.com]

That was a cracker. :D

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*grins* Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it! :D

[sinisterf.livejournal.com]

Oh this is fabulous! So funny. I can just imagine Clark's horror at the memory lapses and, of course, finding out what he was actually doing during those times. Poor thing! And yeah, Bruce is mean to find out the truth and not at least try to comfort Clark. Bad for Clark, good for us readers, though. Good stuff!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, well, Bruce was just waiting to see if Clark was actually going to tell him about everything that was going on, or not. But Clark was too embarrassed too... *pets them both*

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked this! :)

[tabru.livejournal.com]

There was a JLA meeting, the next morning. Why it was in the morning, Batman did not know, but judging from people's reactions it would not be happening again.

This line made me LOL in real life. The JLA need their beauty sleep, dammit!

"Kal? Are you all right?" Diana's eyes were concerned. J'onn just looked amused.

J'ONN TOTALLY KNOWS! XD

Ah, that was just freakin' adorable! I loved it! And the alien sound effects were great! LOL "a radio receiver"! Tehe! Aweseom job! <3

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

This line made me LOL in real life. The JLA need their beauty sleep, dammit!

LOL, they do! No more early morning meetings for them!

And J'onn does totally know and is very, very amused by it all. :P

Whee, I'm so glad you liked this! Thank you for commenting! :D

[hyperactivator.livejournal.com]

Nothing suprises the worlds greatest detective. ^_^

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL, you're right!

Thank you for commenting! :)

[ilovetobefree.livejournal.com]

He really was purring, sounding more cat like than Selina ever had.
That was a wonderful line! :)

Bruce blinked, took a deep breath, then let it out as a sigh, before rolling over again.
I liked Bruce’s reaction.

A shadow flickered across the table, much too fast to be a cloud, and there was a cry of excitement from one of the women. "Superman!"
I don't blame them for the excitement at all! :D

"Uh... maybe... Maybe he's fighting one of those invisible guys?" Some one ventured.
Oh my! "invisible guys" - I had to smile.

"Wonder what that was all about?"
"Those guys at the Daily Planet will know. They know everything about Superman."
Perfect! :D

'It is theorized that under the influence of a yellow sun, an elaborate flying display will occur, as the Kryptonian in the Courting Cycle tries to attract a mate.'
WOW!

Why it was in the morning, Batman did not know, but judging from people's reactions it would not be happening again.
*grin*

"Kal? Are you all right?" Diana's eyes were concerned. J'onn just looked amused.
Diana being concerned and J’onn amused - I liked the difference in their reactions. And especially J'onn's amusement. :)

Bruce found the sight oddly endearing, so... Clark.
AWWWWWWW!

But Bruce stopped him before he could speak. "Clark - don't you know that Metropolis is where you are most likely to be abducted by an alien?"
Clark stared at him. Then lunged.
OMG! That was great. :D

"You're never going to let me forget this, are you?"
Bruce didn't reply, but then, his smirk said it all.
*grin* Poor Clark. :)

That was brilliant! I loved the story so much! Clark and Bruce were totally awesome in this. And I loved the way you mentioned the other characters in the story - the lines about them were always so fitting to their characters.
Excellent job!
Thank you very much for sharing this. :)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Oh my! "invisible guys" - I had to smile.

*giggles* I had lots of fun, writing people's reactions to Clark's flying display! I was laughing as I was writing it...

Diana being concerned and J’onn amused - I liked the difference in their reactions. And especially J'onn's amusement. :)

LOL, J'onn is very amused by it all - and I'm sure that Diana will be, too, once she realizes what's going on.

Oh, and you picked up on the line about Bruce finding Clark doing Clark-things endearing... that was one of my favorites. :)

I'm so glad you liked this story, Lis! Thank you for your wonderful comment! :D

[eve-k.livejournal.com]

Oh poor Clark! He must have been mortified! I love how casually Bruce takes all of Clark´s weird antics - that man is truly fearless!
I really loved the symbolical nest building too.
A totally sweet and fun story!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Clark was indeed very very embarrassed, poor thing. And Bruce knows that this is one of the hazards in dating Clark, lol.

I'm really glad you liked this, Eve! Thank you for commenting! :)

[xj-t.livejournal.com]

Aw, Clark is such a easy target for Bruce :P
I love where someone said "I bet he's mind controlled again" XD

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I couldn't resist adding in the line about Superman being mind controlled. :p

Thank you for commenting! I'm so glad you liked this! :D

[(Anonymous)]

Ahahaha! I can just imagine Clark at the end of his flying ritual being like "Ta-da! Wait, what?"

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

LOL! Yes, Clark was very very embarrassed about that, poor thing. *pets him*

Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked this! :)

[re-love.livejournal.com]

SOOOO CUTE!!!

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

*grins* Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it - and thank you for commenting, too! :)

[mithen.livejournal.com]

Clark blinked, then froze, and a somewhat panicked expression came over his face, that he tried to hide by laughing.

LOL, oh Clark! This was so cute! The things he was doing were just embarrassing enough to be funny without being humiliating--I especially loved the aerial acrobatics one! And oh, Bruce being all proactive and adorable, I just want to hug him... That last image of all the pillows and silver blankets! Eeeee.... :D

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Hee! I had such great fun writing this fic - espeically the flying display, I was laughing so much when I wrote that bit. And Bruce was being rather wonderful here, looking out for Clark. *pets him*

Thank you for commenting, Jen! I'm so glad you liked this! :D

[aesthetica-not.livejournal.com]

This is made of so much win. Alien!Clark is so fun, and I like stories about how Kryptonians are biologically different from humans because I feel like that's an issue that isn't addressed very frequently. The flying ritual made me laugh, as did the random crackling in front of his JLA colleagues. Thanks for this little gem! :)

[starsandsea.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your lovely comment! I'm really glad you liked this fic - I had so much fun writing it, and playing with Kryptonian biology, even if Clark didn't enjoy it as much, lol.