Thank you for commenting! I'm really glad you liked it!
Anyway, I have only one criticism here: Realizing that you've used "lust staining his eyes" in most of these chapters, in this one you used "passion staining his eyes" instead. It's a powerful change, but all the same, I don't really think that passion can stain anything. If you change the emotion there, I think that the verb should be changed as well.
Hmm, well, I'm kinda thinking of editing these chapters, so I will take your advice under consideration, if I decide to do so.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2009-01-05 07:56 pm (UTC)Anyway, I have only one criticism here: Realizing that you've used "lust staining his eyes" in most of these chapters, in this one you used "passion staining his eyes" instead. It's a powerful change, but all the same, I don't really think that passion can stain anything. If you change the emotion there, I think that the verb should be changed as well.
Hmm, well, I'm kinda thinking of editing these chapters, so I will take your advice under consideration, if I decide to do so.
Thank you for commenting! :)